07-08 Writing Exchange VI

Journal #54
I remember when I lived in Orland. It was all about drugs. I even held people up for cash to get drugs. I was into coke, crystal, and pcp. Then I moved here and started to thizz all the time. My Great Grandma died recently and now my Grandma is smoking again. My mom is taking it hard as well. My dad is locked up again for shooting someone and the drugs. I’m trying to do good so I don’t end up like him. I love him, but he needs to be in prison.

Journal #55
If you really knew me you would know that I am really a kind person and I’ll do whatever I can to help people in need. If you really knew me you would know about my scar. If you really knew me you would know that I am always on the edge and it’s not that hard to push me off. If you really knew me you would know my life has never been easy.

Journal #56
**** it. These past two weeks have been hell at school and at home. I had good intentions of coming to school, but now I’m slipping away. Ever since I found out our school is closing for good, I don’t want to come to school; I don’t want to do my work. It’s just that I learned not to get attached to people because they always turn on me. If only you knew how hard it was for me to start coming to this ******* school. It took me at least two weeks to start getting the hang of it and after a while I got attached. Now the doors will be closing down. My thoughts of school right now are, **** it. **** the kids, the teachers, the principal, and the government. **** the world.

Journal #57
I have had a lot of hard times. The hardest times were when my mom was locked up for like three years. My mom missed several of my birthdays. She wasn’t locked up for three years straight, but I mean the total time she has been in. She would get locked up for two or three months before my birthday. She has been in and out a lot throughout my becoming a teen. It was the time I needed my mom the most.
This last time she got locked up she was gone a whole year, but she was in prison this time. I was really worried about her. I have always lived with her outside of the times she has been locked up. I lived with my dad when my mom was behind bars. I was 15 years old. I started doing dope, hanging around older people, and never going home. I have been back with my Mom for quite a while. Now I am 17 and don’t drink or do drugs.


Journal #58
If you really knew me you would know I’ve come a long way. You would know I used to be crazy. If you really knew me you would know that I’ve ****** up a lot in my life. You would know I have put a person in the hospital, been arrested, and locked up quite a few times.
If your really knew me you would know that I had a ****** up childhood. If you really knew me you would know that I used to get beat by my parents, siblings, and even some of my mom’s boyfriends. I too have been to the hospital.
If you really knew me you would know I’ve been through a lot of ****. If you really knew me you would know that I’m going to get past all of this and have a real life. I’m not going to let the pat hold me down anymore.

Journal #59
If you really knew me you would know that most of the time I care more about my friends than I do about myself. If you really knew me you would know that I’m filled with a lot of pain though it doesn’t seem that way. If you really knew me you would know that my mom was my best friend and I tried to keep her safe. I would start fights at school just so I could go home to make sure she was OK. If you really knew me you would know that my friends were one of the main things that got me through my mom’s death.

Journal #60
Lately I haven’t been myself. It feels like I’ve been slipping back into the drug world. It had been 6 months since I smoked. I promised myself I would never do it again but lately I’ve been having emotional problems. You know, feeling like everybody’s sick of looking at me, sick of being present. I finally let my urge take over. I went and got high last night. I don’t know what I was thinking. It is obvious that I wasn’t after I smoked a teener. I asked myself, “What the **** am I doing? I am nothing but a **** up. Now I am just like my father: a despicable, disgusting, selfish piece of ****.

Journal #61
I am so happy and proud of myself. Everything in my life is going so good right now. I am finally getting off probation after almost 4 years. It just feels great. My mom and I are getting along better than ever before. I guess once you’re so used to everything going so bad, when it starts to turn around, it is like you just don’t know how to respond to it. Usually I am always messing stuff up, but not this time. So many people have helped me try to fix problems that I have had. I think that if it were not for everyone’s help, I just don’t know what would have happened to me.