Writing Exchange VI 06-07

WRITING EXCHANGE VIFEBRUARY 7, 2007
Journal #45
I often have no hope because I have lost too many special people in my life. I miss them and that is why I really don’t like a lot of things. I do bad in school. I live in a ****** house and the one that I love hates me now. I felt like killing myself, but I figured there is more to live for. Now I have family and friends and I just found a new lover.
Journal #46
When I first started using drugs I was 12 years old. I liked the feeling it gave me because I felt so much pain and every hit I took of dope and weed the less pain I felt. Now I’m 16 years old. Last year I slowed my use down because I had 3 brothers by my side and now I don’t have one of them.I have so much pain inside, I just want to smoke dope, but I know my big brother is watching over me and I don’t want him to be even more sad. I miss him. Sometimes I just wish God would take me so I could see my brother. I don’t want to be sad anymore. At least when I leave this ****** up world I’ll be happy up there and see my brother. That one sweet day will come.
Journal #47
My beacon of lightI have yet to igniteAnger, rage, painEverything changedYet seems the sameThe room is spinningHere comes a new beginningOh, that’s rightMy beacon of lightI know who it isHis eyesWicked, pure sinHis smileIgnites the fire within
Journal #48
My Beacon of Light that keeps me going is my older brother. He passed away back in 97. Having faith in God and I just figure that I’m finishing my brother’s life. He died from a motorcycle wreck at the age of 19. He and I were closer than a mom and her newborn. I figure if you go through hard times then there is going to be good times too.
Journal #49
Being on EMP is not fun. You have all kinds of rules to follow. You mess up one time and you’re through. When you get out of Juvenile Hall it always feels great, but then my 90 EMP days came and it sucks. It feels like the end is coming, but the truth is your life is truly beginning. It’s like restart on your PS2 and just like that you sit in your home.
Journal #50
I hate living at my house. It is such a piece of ****. Everything about it and my life has gone to nothing at all. I don’t go to a normal school. I don’t have a normal life or family. Everything I do I seem to get in trouble for. I wish I could change my life but I can’t. It’s too ****** up.
Journal #51
My beacon of light is my little brother. He is the reason why I try hard and do my best to succeed. My brother is only six months old and I still know that I need to do my best to make sure he doesn’t have the same horrible childhood that I did because he deserves better than that. He doesn’t need all of that in his life. Just to see my baby brother puts me in an excellent mood when I’m feeling down. I just hold my baby brother and it makes me feel better.To know that I am being successful makes me feel good. My brother is the reason I keep going and keep pushing myself. I see my baby brother and then I hear the words, “I can achieve for you not for me.” Those are the thoughts and sound that runs through my head when I see him. I know that I have to make something of my life and be sure that my brother has a better life than I did as a child. I know that I can achieve so all I do is believe.
Journal #52
I want to go back to my High School. I’m really trying to meet this goal and go back. That is why I’m trying to do my best to reach my goal. I want to play a sport at my High School. I’m trying hard and getting my act together to be good and learn more. I set this goal for myself this school year.I’m here because of the gangs and I’m also trying to be good and stay away from the gang people. I want to become someone special in life. I’m trying to stand up on my own feet and not fall so much in life. I want to stand up on my own and go somewhere far: to improve and show my parents my new life.
Journal #53
The guiding light in my life is my family. If it wasn’t for them I would be locked up because I just wouldn’t give a **** about anything, especially school. This special girl came in my life and I care about her. She pushes me to do good. I am just going to school so I graduate. This will make my parents proud of me. I want to show them that I can do it and to set a good example for my sister and brothers. I love my family. If I had to, I would take all the pain from them so that they could be happy.