Writing Exchange IX 06-07

Journal #78I hear verbal abuse all the time at my old apartment. There are ex-roommates and kids yelling and screaming at their mother. They are only 13 and 17. They tell her that she’s a piece of **** and that she ruins their life. They put her down all the time because she won’t give them money and because they don’t get clothes or shoes as much as they should. Sometimes I don’t blame them because it is true at times, but telling their mother that they hate her because they’re mad isn’t right.They don’t realize that she could be gone any minute and day. I try to talk to them about how they would feel if they told their mom, “I hate you,” and then she left because they were fighting and she didn’t come home. If they heard on the news about a car accident and the driver died and it was their mom, they would feel terrible. I try to get them to understand life is too short, but they don’t get it. They still yell and say very messed up things to their mom all the time when they fight. Telling your own mother you hate her and she made your life suck and she ruined it, is emotional abuse or verbal abuse.

Journal #79
ABUSE: I really don’t want to write about this topic and I don’t think that anyone else I know would like me to write about it either because this isn’t a very good topic for me. If you knew my past and the things that happened to me: these were things that shouldn’t happen to anyone. No one else should have these things happen, but the reality is it happens every day and that is a horrible reality. I think that people that sexually abuse anyone should die and rot in prison while getting the things done to them that they did to innocent people.

Journal #80
I have been thinking a lot about how my life was and how it would have been if my mom and dad were still married. I always think that if they were still together then I probably wouldn’t be the same person that I am today. I would probably be a preppy and that is not what I am out to be but that was a childhood dream: to live a perfect life in a nice neighborhood and have a lot of nice things. I guess I wanted to have the fairy tale life but then again that is everybody’s childhood dream.I am kind of grateful for the way my life has been in the past 15 years because if my life wouldn’t of been so hard then I wouldn’t know what I know now and then I wouldn’t of been able to learn from my mom and dad’s mistakes. So now I know what I need to do to be a good person and parent when the time is right and the last thing that I will ever do is DRUGS. I had to learn the hard way and I don’t want to make my family go through that especially when I have kids because I know how it feels to have a parent or both parents gone most of your life.It is important to think how would that make you feel and what would that do to your life. I ask myself, “What do I need to do to be the person that I want to be, the person who is gonna always be there, the person that doesn’t do DRUGS and ruin my own life as well as my children’s lives when I have kids?” That is all that I have on my mind and I hope that my choices are much better than my parents!

Journal #81
I think sometimes it is ok to call cops if you know for sure that what someone is doing is abusive and that they were wrong. Often what most middle or upper class people would call abuse, others don’t and what middle and upper class people call help others don’t.

Journal #82
ABUSE: I’ve seen from pimps beating prostitutes to powder heads getting it on. I now have a me against the world mentality. I’ve witnessed men taking their anger out on their lady. Personally, I ain’t with that ****. I’m not trying to be in jail. Sure there are some girls who have their potty mouth but that doesn’t change things. My mother always taught me growing up, if you were to hit a ***** you must be one; I respect that. My mother has always been a single mother and I couldn’t ever see someone putting thier hands on her so how could I? It just wouldn’t be right.

Journal #83
About five mouths ago my house got raided and my Dad and Mom got arrested. They even took my nephew to social services. My mom got three months and my Dad got five. He then got deported to Mexico without our family even knowing. It was hard for us because we were worried about his health.A couple weeks passed by and he came back and he was here for couple of months and then the ******* cops found him and locked him up again. They are going to send him back to Mexico and my familia told me that I have to go to Mexico and take care of my dad. Now I hate the cops more than ever because my nephew was there when this went down and I really did not want him to see what was happening. My dad and I got arrested and my nephew was so scared of what was going on.

Journal #84
“LABELS”I have been labeled my whole life. I have been labeled a **** up and a juvenile delinquent. Labels become pretty much anything that would make any one person feel as if there is nothing they can do right because no matter what you do it always seems to be the wrong thing. After a while you hear these things, these labels that just because you made one mistake you believe the labels and you start living up to them. SO my advice to you, the reader, “Don’t become what people label. Prove them wrong.”

Journal # 85
“Spring Memory”Wrinkle in the clear cloud.Praying for the loved ones that are gone.Remembering the great memories that happened.In the hot day I relax as they bloom.Now I’m not free as much I used to be.Goin to bed as I think about the great times when we hung out.

Journal #86
What brought me to school here is that I got expelled from my middle school for fighting. I am 14 and I am Mexican. My life was a living hell until I moved in with a great family. I used to live on the streets. I guess my mom was a crackhead. She always blamed everything on me even thought I didn’t do anything wrong. She made me believe I was a bad person. She kicked me out when I was 13. I slept under bridges with no blankets or anything. Yeah, I was hungry, but I was too scared to do anything about it.I’ve been abused by my Dad. Being hit with a closed fist, not knowing what to do or what I did wrong. I did believe I was a bad person, so that is when I got into trouble with the police, etc. I smoke marijuana because it seems to set me free from the horrible life I had. The first day I smoked I felt I was reborn. Yes, I am scared not knowing what is going to happen next. This is my life.

Journal #87
I’m livin with these cooked waysIma die in a misfortunate wayHope for better but expect shady daysOne on One watch them run awayThey come back in a crowd now listen to my gun playWatch these politicians and laws with their devilish waysThey give a fuck what we sayIt’s a working scheme cause ourselves is who we slayThis life is like a mazeUsed to look for an out, ey!But there is non till my body is six feet deep where it laysFuck it, live the rest of my days in a dazeBecause now I am disfunctional if my mind isn’t in a hazeSo where you seem, damn right I’m blazedNegativity is not what I wanted to portrayBut I had no choice cause I’m forced to live with these crooked ways.

Journal #88
As I was on my way to school today I was thinking, if I keep up the good work I will be out of here soon. I am trying my hardest here everyday but I’m getting burnt out prettyquick. Sometimes I feel like jumping off a cliff. Sometimes there is not **** to do but sitat home all day long. I decided to go to the SK8 park to ride, catch some air, and grind some coping.