Writing Exchange II 06-07

Writing Exchange II- October 26, 2006North and South County Community Schools
Journal #7
6:30 AM I woke up in the motel room where I am living, with my mom still asleep and her boyfriend watching TV. I woke my brother up and I took a shower.
6:55 AM I was dressed and done with my shower and ready to catch the bus. I still had 15 minutes until the bus came so I smoked a cigarette. Someone walked by and pulled a bottle of vodka out of his pants and offered me a drink; I said no.
7:22 AM After I got on the bus there was some crazy lady who kept screaming, “Stop looking at me.”
7:35 AM I got off at the transit center and took another bus to school.
8:15 AM The bell rang and I was glad to be at school. I always love going to school because I have a bad life at home, so it is nice to have a break.
8:20 AM First period of class starts and I hope school will last as long as possible.
2:15 PM The bell rings. Damn, school is over now and I have to go home. I walked to the bus stop where everyone is asking me for a cigarette. The bus comes and I get on.
3:15 PM I arrive back at the hotel. I don’t let my Mom know I am home, I just get on my bike and ride around town.
Journal #8
If I could go back in time, I would spend time with my brother that passed away a few months ago. I would tell him I love him and show him that we all care. I would tell him to not go home and get high and go fight some guy that has a gun.I miss my brother so much and it has affected my whole family in different ways. My dad will never be the same. My mom and two brothers have also been hit so hard by this. It is the last thing we would think was going to happen. My brother was a happy person and he made my family happy.It hurts me because I lost a brother and I don’t know how to deal with it. I go to the cemetery almost every day, but it just makes me sadder. I always feel him around me and he used to wear this spray on him and I always think I smell it. I just don’t understand why God brings someone in this world for others to get close to and then just takes them away and makes us feel hurt.I do know my brother is looking down on us making sure we are alright and I know one day I will see him again. One of my other brothers has been in prison. He was out when all of this was going down, but just like two months ago he went back in and it is hitting him really hard.I hope everything gets better in my life. I know he is gone, but I don’t want to believe it. My family is heart broken. I hope my brother helps me because I know he is watching over me to make sure we are all safe. I’ll see him one day. I will never forget him.
Journal #9
It is hard to pick just one journal entry to relate to because I can relate with every one of them. It’s just so difficult for me to read all six of these journal writings. It’s really hard for me to believe that other people feel like I do. I don’t have a Dad either. I only have a sperm donor. I call him this because he is a liar and a drug abuser. He says he loves me but he really doesn’t. He expects me to call his girlfriend “Mom,” but I won’t. It hurts knowing my Dad is with someone other than my mom and that he is doing drugs.I hate this because I also have a drug problem. All I want to do is give up on life. Why did God put me on this planet if I’m only going to **** it up? My life is “hella” hard for me to cope with. All I do is cry about how much my life truly sucks and how I wish I can turn back the hands of time and erase everything I ever did wrong.
Journal #10
If I could go back in time, I would go back to the days when I would not wake up in time, or I would go to school but I wouldn’t stay there. If I could, I would apply myself instead of ******* off all of my good opportunities that I was given. I wouldn’t have burned most of the bridges that I did or ruined most of the friendships that I ruined. I would not have started **** with people that I did.Most of all, I would not have treated my mom like I did when she was alive. I treated her with a lot of disrespect and now I regret it greatly. If I could go back in time I would treat her like a queen, like she deserved.
Journal #11
My family has a problem with drugs. Me, I prefer bud, but my mom and dad prefer the black and white. My dad’s been in prison ever since I can remember and he just got out. We just started talking to each other too and now because of the dope and heroin, my family’s ****** up. I can’t stand dope or tweakers. All it does is mess your life up. Because of that kind of ****, I lost my dad. But he wasn’t just my dad, he was my BEST FRIEND.
Journal #12
You know, being a fourteen year old father really sucks. You know that you have got your whole life ahead of you and that it is already fading away. My girlfriend got pregnant and it is really hard for me because I need to graduate from High School. It is so hard because the more I think about being a dad the more I think about having a hungry baby that I can’t feed because I didn’t graduate from High School. The more I think about having a hungry family to feed, the more I work my *** off and yet I feel like I’m not doing enough for my family or myself.It is so tough not being able to handle business even though I try so hard and then I go home feeling worthless because I can’t even do what it takes to take care of my family. I’ll tell you what, I will NEVER give up. I will keep working and keep trying to make things right because I love my family.
Journal #13
What would it take for me to get arrested or for me to die? I’ve been arrested plenty of times for long and short periods of time, living in a cell in Oroville. I have been arrested for stupid things that weren’t worth it. I think the last time I was in there I learned a lot. Over a two year period, I had only ever been out for 3 months time before returning. This time I have been out for nine months.Although the hall is a familiar thing to me and sometimes I do miss it, I’m not planning on going back anytime soon. I know it may seem a little weird that I say sometimes I miss it, but when you’re in there for a long period of time you make relationships with the staff and teachers. You get used to seeing them every day. I miss some of them.
Journal #14
My mom got arrested in July of 2005 for a dirty test of crystal meth. She got out of prison April 6th, 2006 and has not touched dope since. Even when she was in prison she didn’t do dope. My mom doesn’t plan on using crystal meth again.She has been clean and sober for one year and one month. I am very proud of my mom for that. I love seeing her happy and clean. My mom means so much to me and I love her so much. Those nine months without her were very hard because she has always been there and I have lived with her my whole life except when she was incarcerated.